fall daze

Well, 100 degrees can hardly be considered fall weather, but I can't complain.  I'm sure it will get cooler soon enough.  As long as it's not raining (and sometimes when it is), we can be found outside all the live long day!

My honey had to work out of town this week, so I got a good dose of single parenting.  That combined with pregnancy hormones had me feeling pretty weepy yesterday evening.  Thankfully, God has helped me recognize the signs of  mommy weariness and hormone swings.  I used to just succumb to the emotional roller coaster ride and let it take me wherever it wanted to.  I've since learned that the destination is not somewhere I want to be!  It's a pity ride that leaves me very susceptible to the lies of my Enemy.  There's nothing wrong with having a good cry, but in the midst of my tears I have to choose to listen to God's voice and not the voice that is often the loudest.

The lies were coming on strong last night:

"You're not a good mother because you can't keep it all together."

"You're so unorganized and unstructured--it's unfair to your children."

"God can never use you as long as you're so emotional."

I can't say that I didn't entertain them.  They're very tempting to believe.

I want to be the best mother I can be, I want to give my children the very best and I want desperately to be an instrument God can use.  There are definitely times I fail at accomplishing these goals.  I fall short. I miss the mark.  But God's gentle voice was there to remind me the truth:

God knows my weaknesses, and He doesn't hold them against me!

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

God is patient with me, and his understanding knows no limits.

"He tends his flocks like a shepherd:  He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (Isaiah 40:11)

I rebuked the Enemy's lies and I allowed the Truth of God's word to comfort me.  It wasn't easy, but it was so freeing!  God kept reminding me over and over of that last verse, "He gently leads those that have young."   Hope, a dear blogging friend, reminded me of that verse months ago and it has brought so much comfort to my heart.

So, now that I have had a good cry and a good heart-bearing session I would like to leave you with a little something light for your visit!

You might like these.  Your kids will love 'em. We call them "snow animals".  Animal crackers slathered in cream cheese.  MMMMM-mmmmmm.  Yummy.

it is well

picture:  pond in front of my childhood home

We are home in Louisiana!
What bliss, what warmth, what sweltering heat!
I will save you the details of our long 26 hour trip with three young uns through driving rain, sleet, and snow.
I am sure your imagination will be more than sufficient.

The first thing I did once we got home was schedule my doctor's appointment.
Worry started to creep in and I had to continually give my fears to the only One who could give me peace.  At the back of my mind, I kept thinking "what ifs".  What if... God decided to take this baby home to be with Him too?  What if... something was wrong and that was why I couldn't feel the baby move?  I realized I had to choose to lay it at Jesus' feet.  I had to choose to trust Him no matter what the outcome would be.

That's when my friend Lisa told me the powerful story behind the well known hymn "It is Well With My Soul".  The author, Horatio Spafford, wrote this hymn after he experienced great personal tragedy and loss.  His wife and his four daughters were involved in an accident at sea and his wife was the only survivor.  I can't imagine the pain and sorrow this couple felt after losing all of their children in such a violent way.  The story is told, though, that in the midst of her despair, Horatio's wife heard God tell her she was spared for a purpose.  It was in that moment she remembered the wise counsel of a friend, "It's easy to be grateful and good when you have so much, but take care that you are not a fair-weather friend to God." (go here for the story)  Later, Horatio visited the watery grave of his daughters and wrote this hymn as his ship sailed by.

It is Well With My Soul

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
2. 
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.
   It is well, with my soul,
   Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
   
   
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

He chose to praise God no matter what.

Oh Lord, give me faith like that!

To fix my eyes on You, Lord, and know that all is well with my soul.

The Desert

I mentioned before that I am in what was once known as the the Great American Desert to the early explorers, the Sandhills of Nebraska.  This is where I grew up.  This is where I learned to ride a horse, shoot clay pigeons, drive a tractor, and back up a trailer.  In the middle of the sandhills, miles and miles from the nearest town is where I also learned the value of "quiet times" with God.  If there is anywhere on God's green earth that could supply peace and quiet in abundance it would be here. 

I've always been an avid reader, so I guess it's no surprise that I loved to read the Bible.  I loved the stories, the excitement, the truth, the relevance, but most of all I loved hearing God speak to my heart through its pages.  When you're in the middle of nowhere, in a "desert", if you will, it almost seems as if the quiet leads you to God, and if you're listening you almost always hear Him.

I didn't always appreciate my "desert", though.  I felt isolated from the rest of the world, in a way.  Living on the ranch, miles and miles from friends, made it difficult sometimes to hang out with them as often as I wanted to.  There were times the silence bored me to tears and loneliness ate at me. There were times I wondered what I was doing in this "desert" and when my real life was going to start.

Looking back, though, I wouldn't have traded my "desert" for anywhere else in the world.  It was exactly where God wanted me.  It was where I developed a relationship with Him that has anchored me through every storm.  He became my closest friend, my strongest ally, my dearest Savior.  I remember dancing in the meadow behind our house, singing to Him at the top of my lungs, nothing but blue sky and green grass for as far as I could see, but closer to Heaven than I've ever been.  He was my only audience, but He let me know He was enthralled.

A couple weeks before I left to visit Nebraska  (and at the time I didn't even know I would be making the trip), God reminded me of those moments in the meadow.  I was at my church's women's retreat and the speaker there shared a verse that spoke straight to my heart.  In it, God is speaking to the Children of Israel:

 "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.

There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor [Valley of Trouble] a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt."  -Hosea 2: 14-15

He has led me back to the desert.  And why?  To speak tenderly to me.  To remind me of the journey that I am on with Him.  There always will be "deserts" in our lives, dry places that we see no end to and no way out of.  There may be times when loneliness is our closest neighbor.  But in those times, He offers us hope.  We are only passing through.  He will give us back our vineyards.  I hear that tender voice of His telling me that although I may be in a desert, that I must sing my way through.

Whether in the desert or in the valley, I want to my life to sing for Him, my one and only enraptured audience.

From Flip Flops to Clodhoppers

We are in the Great American Desert.

So named by the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Known as home sweet home to me. 
At a little ranch in the Sandhills of Nebraska, nestled at the end of a ten mile country road, forty-five minutes from the nearest town, over a mile from the nearest neighbor.
Where cows outnumber people ten to one and where the deer and the antelope play.
And where the weather is BITTERLY COLD!

I packed everyone into the minivan in Louisiana in the sweltering heat of 90 degrees  (mind you that was at 9:00 A.M.)  We traveled three days straight  (yes, you read that correctly!)  THREE DAYS in a minivan with a four year old and 19 month old twins.  I would never have made it if my mother-in-law hadn't offered to brave the trip to see my family with me.  God Bless that woman!  When we crossed the state line into Nebraska the temperature was 38 degrees with driving rain!  I was still wearing flip flops.  What was I thinking?!  My dad met us in Omaha and drove us 10 hours to the ranch.  Poor little Boston started runnning a temperature and got sick in the car.  It wasn't long after that my little girl got sick, too.  But we made it!  What a miracle!  It took us a good four days to recooperate.  And even now, after being at the ranch for almost two weeks, we're still not used to the cold!

 I will say, though, that the snow was a pleasant surprise.

We woke up Sunday morning to a winter autumn wonderland.  Instead of leaves fluttering through the air, giant snowflakes were blanketing the ground in the barest of whispers.  It was the perfect snowfall.  No wind, just balls of cotton lightly swirling in the silence of morning interrupted only by the crunch of our shoes.  Thad loved it!  The twins did too.  Okay, I even enjoyed it just a little bit...and then my now southern thin skin got cold.

Thad said it was almost as fun as riding Jenny.

Jenny is the pretty palamino pony I got when I was seven.  She's a beautiful blonde with blue eyes and even though she's gotta be near 80 in horse years, she doesn't look like she's aged one bit.  As ornery as she is, I love that little horse.

It's been fun here on the ranch of my childhood.  And seeing it through the eyes of my little ones has made it all the more special.

Two weeks is a long time without my honey, though, and I'm practically jumping up and down with excitement because he's coming up here to the ranch tonight--just in time for my birthday!

                 

P.S. Doesn't this post look so out of place compared to my last post with us ON THE BEACH in Florida?!

Beachy Keen

Destin, Florida  

Sept. 2009

Sand, Sun, and Ocean water!

We got a good healthy dose of all three.

The twins decided sand tasted good.

Thad got his fill of ocean water.

And the sun lived up to it's name.

Ahhhh.....I could

                                   live at the beach.

My kids would happily agree.

Watermelon Woo

 

 

Start in the middle...

Nibble nibble to the left

All the way to the end

Can you share a little?

My little girl takes after her mamma.  We loooove watermelons.  Of course I was told if I ate the seeds a watermelon would grow in my tummy...

And from all appearances, this might be true... 

A Day At the Water Park

#1 

#2

#3

#4

There.   I knew this was a good idea.

One Word

Who with one word can make the sun bow to the moon;

the day, the dawn, the afternoon?

Who with one word can make the earth revolve on a string, 

the clouds heavy with the dew of spring?

Who with one word can cloak bare dirt with daffodils and

scatter wild beasts across the hills?

Who with one word can raise the dead to life again 

and set free the captive hearts of men?

Who with one word can turn what's wrong-side up again--

what seems a loss into a win?

God can!  He will!  Your weary soul he sees.  

With one word from Him, remember this-- all darkness has to flee!

written with love to my brother in 2006.

re-purpose for a changing table

Having trouble finding that perfect changing table without sacrificing design and style?

I know I was.

And that brings on Bargain Tip #12:

Buy a used dresser at the height you want!  

I personally loved the lines on this vintage dresser, but the wood looked worn and old and definitely needed some cleaning up.  My handyman hubby removed all the hardware, sanded it down and applied a coat of primer.  Then he applied two coats of glossy white paint and fastened on new hardware to give it a more modern edge.

I painted a small painting to tie in the decor of the twin's nursery and to add height and interest.

The result was worth the extra elbow grease and didn't put a dent in the budget.

One day at a time

I'm still here, I promise!

And I've missed all my wonderful blogging friends.  I have so much catching up to do!  

Right now I'm just trying to take one day at a time.

Trust me when I say one day is enough to wipe me out!

I don't know why this pregnancy has been so difficult for me so far, all my other ones were fabulous.  Yes.  Fabulous. (why are you smiling? you don't believe me?)  They really were!

Of course a healthy dose of long term pregnancy memory loss never hurt anything, right?

I've been really blah lately.  I feel so lazy.  If I thought I was behind on housework before being pregnant, well, let's just say my house is out of sight now.

 It certainly doesn't help that my children are in that stage.  You know the one.  The pull-out-everything-from-every-drawer-in-the-entire-house stage.  Mmmmhmmm.  Here's what I've been doing every day:

Cleaning up after them!  And by the time I'm done picking up the 100th q-tip, I get to start all over again on cotton balls!  I know, I know, there is a smarter way to do this....but I seem to have forgotten which way that is.  

I've never needed God's grace more than I do now!  And thank God that He's never short on that supply!

So, I'm taking one day at a time.  One mess at a time.  One hug at a time.  One Great Big God's strength in the times I need it the most!

A Beautiful Day in This Neighborhood

I have the most wonderful neighbors.

A couple days ago  (yikes, has it been that long since I've been blogging!?),  I had to make a run to the store and my lovely neighbor Miji watched my gang.  I haven't had much energy lately, and my house was a wreck.  A wreck.  I was so embarrassed, but the need for milk won and I called her.  Have I mentioned Miji before?  Well, let me introduce my darling baby-sitter.  I prayed for Miji.  Out of desperation, I asked God to send me someone I could trust to watch my kids when I had doctor's appointments, or wal-mart appointments, or whatever appointments and God sent me Miji.  Yep.  Right to my door step.  After all, she does live next door!  I will never forget the evening she told me that she would love to babysit for me.  (I'm sure she's wanted to take that back at least once or twice!)  I needed to hear that from someone because I am always afraid of asking people to do something they don't really want to do, but they cave anyway.

Miji has been a Godsend.  And that day was no exception.  When I came home from the store, I opened my door to find all of my neighbors cleaning my house!!  Miji had asked her mom and her aunt to come over and help her clean up for me.

I can't even begin to describe what that felt like.  No more waist high toys, or Mount Everest of laundry.  No more scattered cups in the cabinet inflicting injury on unsuspecting heads.  The relief and gratitude I felt was amazing.  I literally cried after everyone had left and I opened the door to my bedroom where the kids had recently built a fort (i.e. destroyed the room) and it was clean.  I could see the floor!  The burden that rolled off my shoulders in that instant was tangible.

I was so incredibly blessed.  Humbled, I remembered the scripture where Jesus tells us what the most important commandments are.

"One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'  The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  There is no commandment greater than these."  Mark 12: 28-31

The Bible is not a book to be merely read.  It was intended to be lived out.  These scriptures are a testimony to that fact.  Loving God will look like loving people.  A love in action.

I am humbled.  What kind of a neighbor am I?  How often do I see a need and meet it?  When do I go out of my way to do something kind for someone else?

I pray that I can be a doer of the Word and not merely a hearer.  I pray that I will love my God more and in so doing, love others.

Dear Jesus,

Help me see the simple ways that I can love you and love people.  Open my eyes and open my heart.

My roses

Feeling a little absent...

absentminded.

Feeling a little sick...

morning sickness.

Feeling a little forgetful...

hmmmm?

Feeling a lot tired...

but very thankful!

Life is always a blessing.

And thankfully we forget all the little inconveniences that come with it's creation.

With as much detail as God takes in creating roses that bless us today but are gone tomorrow,

it is no small wonder that he creates children in His image within the womb of a mother.

The Meaning of a Name

There is a beautiful ministry to grieving mothers.  One where we can walk together, hold each other up, and rejoice over the gift of our children, however short their lives may have been. Today at Walking With You we are sharing the story behind our heavenly children's names.  Names have always been important to me.  Maybe because they have always been important to God.  I love reading about the names God gives many of his servants in the Bible and the deep meaning behind them.  There is so much in a name.

I remember early in my second pregnancy, I felt drawn to one particular name.  I didn't even know the gender of my baby yet, but the name Titus just seemed to fit.  Joel loved the name, too, and it was then I sensed we would be having a boy.  The fifth month came and a regular doctor's visit revealed that Titus' heart had stopped beating.  Everything after that happened in a dark, intense fog of grief.  You can read more about it here.  There was a ray of light, though, and it was in my son's name.  While in the hospital a new name kept coming to me.  I felt that God wanted me to name my son Zaccheus Titus.  I would find out later how important that name would be to me in the days ahead.

When I came home from the hospital, I looked up the meaning of Zaccheus Titus.  In Hebrew Zaccheus litterally means "the Lord recalled".  Titus is a title of honor.  It was when I read these meanings that my heart felt hope.  My little Zaccheus Titus had been named by his Lord.  His life mattered, had purpose, and was received with joy by his Creator and Father.  

The second meaning of the name Zaccheus spoke to me the most.  Zaccheus commonly means "pure, clean, bright, and just".  God was healing my memories.   For when I held my son in the hospital, he was not clean or bright.  His heart had stopped beating several weeks before and his tiny body was discolored and gray.  My heart was broken when I saw my son for the first time. But my God has bathed my little boy in the light of His love.  His cold little body is now glowing with the warmth of the arms that cradle him forever.  One day I will see him as he was created to be, as his name describes, pure, clean, bright, and honorable.

Thank you, God, for loving and naming your children.

"But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine."

Isaiah 43: 1

A Fish Tale

make your own bubbles

Has anyone else been just a little aggravated with bubbles lately?

I mean, they just don't make them like they used to.

Today Lil Man and I tried to blow bubbles, but we couldn't make a bubble to save our lives.  Grrrrrrrrrr.  What is up with that?  Okay, so the pregnancy hormones aren't helping the situation either, but bubbles should be easy, shouldn't they?  And fun!  

I love watching my kids giggle and run after them, trying to catch them, pop them, and sometimes even eat them.  But bubbles aren't just for kids.  They're for grown-ups too.  Imagine blowing all your cares into their shiny wet spheres and watching them float away.  I think we should blow bubbles every day! 

My Mother-in-Love has a great recipe for HUGE bubbles.  We're talking enormous, whatever size you wish for, bubbles.

Here's her Big Bubble recipe (that works!):

1 Cup Ivory Liquid (no degreaser)

12 cups water

3/4 Tablespoon glycerin (found in drug department of Walmart)

Stir together and leave uncovered overnight. It works better. 

Cut out wand from tops of old plastic containers, the larger, the better.

Have fun!

The best thing about making your own bubbles?  You can get totally creative and use just about anything as a bubble wand!  

It's fun, it's free, it's fabulous.

So go blow some bubbles.

The Great Risk

Shhhhhh.  I have a secret to tell.

Okay, so it's not really a secret anymore.

But it is wonderful.  It's a surprise present from my Abba Daddy.  He's doing something new.  He's doing what He does best.

Creating.

Weaving.

Loving.

Sheltering.

Dreaming.

Life into Being.

And this is His favorite thing to do.  Making children in His image, created for Him to love.

But it's also His greatest risk.

You see I don't believe life begins at conception.

No, it begins before that.

Deep in the heart of God, He labors over the pages of a very special book.

A book that holds His dreams for your life.

And then he begins to create.

With the most gentle hands, the hands of an artist, He skillfully forms His masterpiece.

He doesn't miss a single detail. 

His heart overflows with love, His eyes transfixed on His creation. 

He whispers His devotion, breathes His breath into His child.

His dream comes true.

But His heart is torn in two.

For now He must let His child enter a world of choice.

A world where those choices have left great sadness, deep pain, and injustice.

But where choices ultimately allow a Greater Love.

For the only true love is a love unforced.

Man's life is His masterpiece.  And it is His greatest risk.

Love returned is His only reason.

{After spending time with God and hearing Him tell me again how He wept at my birth and the risk He took, I knew I had to write this.}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!"

Psalm 139: 13-17

Letting Him Love Me

I have so much to tell.

Maybe that's why I've been a little absent lately  (sorry, folks!)

But I promise to tell all...soon.

For now, I just want to share what God has been speaking to my heart.

He's been relentless.

Over and over again, in more than a million ways that I might have missed if He wasn't softening my heart, He's been telling me He Loves Me.

I'm overwhelmed by His heart towards me.

Completely overwhelmed.

Lately, when I spend time with Him, that's all He wants to talk about.

I've even tried to change the conversation.

But then He gently urges me to just let Him love me.

I've always "known" God loves me.  Just look at the Cross--He's never been secretive about it!  But at the same time there have been pieces of me that I have labeled as "unloveable".  There have been moments in which I have allowed the enemy of my soul to mock me and my glaring failures and to provoke me into questioning the love of my God.

There have also been many moments captured in time where I have felt the arms of God wrap around my soul and I didn't doubt His love for a second.

But even this is different, this relentless love He is cloaking me with.  It's as if He's showing me that I was created for Him to love.

And he wants me to just let Him love me.

To sit and just BE with Him.

To LIVE continually in His presence.

A couple weeks ago I remember melting onto my couch, tired and exhausted, but knowing that I needed to let God speak to me during my devotions.

So I threw it out there,  "What do you want to say to me today, God?"  And I half-expected Him not to answer.  Because sometimes He is silent.  And it's usually in those times that He wants me to seek Him more diligently, to study His word for His answer, to wait on Him.  But most of the time I ask Him to speak to me, He does.

This is what I heard Him say to my heart in that still, small, voice that seekers hear.  And when I heard Him speak, there was an urgency to His voice, as if He'd been anxiously waiting for me all day.

"I wept at your birth."

My heart stood still and His words went on.

"I so carefully and lovingly created you in your mother's womb.

It was I who whispered your name in her ear.

My Joye.

My lovely Joye.

My darling daughter.

My treasure."

I was more than overwhelmed.

He wants to speak those words to your own heart today, confessions of His love for you. 

A love LIKE THAT can't be ignored.

How could we ever doubt our worth when He loves us LIKE THAT.

Wait.

There's more.

Just the other day,  I was praying and storming heaven for a miracle.  I had spent every tear in my body.  Then I turned one of my favorite worship songs on and began to worship.  When the song was over, God told me to play it again, but THIS TIME

He wanted to sing the chorus to me.

And I've posted it here because you just may need to hear Him sing these words to your heart as well.  Don't doubt that he does.

This is for you.

God's heart yearns for you.

Can you feel him waiting for you?  Can you sense His arms aching to hold you?  Can you hear his heart calling you?

Let Him love you.

Bubble Blowing Boy

Ok, so I'm a little late jumping in on this, but it looks like fun!  I just realized that I'm always late on these linky thingys.  Just call me Pro.  Pro the Crastinator.  Yep.  That would be me!  I did get wind that a $100 prize is also being awarded to one fortunate Linker Upper.  Sounds great to me!  Let's do some hoppin'!

This week's theme is Favorite Photo Captioned.  I have three amazing kids that are all my favorites.  I have a gazillion pictures of each one.  How in the world do I ever pick just one favorite photo?  I was scrolling through my enormous photo app and this one made me laugh {again} so it'll do just dandy!

"Boston Blows Bubbles--Can you?"

This is only one of his many charming talents.  My beautiful friend Christah at Christah Cato Photography took this picture when he was all of six months old.  I love it.  Thanks, Christah!