small things in great faith

my very own little woodland fairy, i barely could capture her, she's always aflutter

I'm still here!  I promise.  Just feeling kind of blah lately and craving guacamole, chocolate covered everything, and tomato juice by the gallon.  Sometimes in that order, but hey, sorry to gross you out. I'm remembering all too well how the first trimester goes.  My body is picky, it wants peace and quiet and long hours with a book and it doesn't get appeased until after 9:30 p.m.

But other than that stuff, I still have other stuff that I'm trying to sort out in my heart.  Big things I always wanted to do for God and He keeps reminding my little brain that small things are sometimes the most important.  Small things done in great faith.  And even then, He's not so much worried about the doing than he is about my simply "being" with Him, in Him, a part of Him.

I should write this quote all over my house:

"Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person's seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next." ~ Elisabeth Elliot

My prayer has become, "God, show me what you desire for me to do this day.  However small, however big, give me the grace to do it."

life at twelve weeks

I could've kissed the ultrasound machine.

One perfect little profile and the sweetest little hands.

Thank you, Lord, for putting my fears to rest.

I was nervous but trying hard not to show it.

The ultrasound tech took tons of pictures and hugged me tight on the way out.  She and I have been through a lot together.  From baby one all the way to this one, my sixth.  She was there when my second baby showed no more signs of life at 21 weeks.  She watched me struggled with the loss, my tears unable to be controlled.  

It would be my third visit when she would break the surprise to me:  I had not one baby but two.  I was stunned, she was excited.

And then there was this past year.  Two non-viable pregnancies.  Molar tissue and a blighted ovum.  Both showed all the symptoms of a pregnancy, but were difficult to diagnose and even more painful to experience.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief as I walked out of that room last week.  This time I can anticipate holding a new baby in six months.  This time I can think of names and dream baby dreams.  This time I feel the stirring of life in me again.

Even after having five babies, I'm still so amazed by God's creative power. 

The sound of the life blood gushing through that little heart.  

The perfectly shaped nose, the tiny fingers and toes.  

God's fingerprints, his master design are all over his children.  

Creating new life is God's labor of love.

He makes all things new

He's making me new.

Washing me in grace.

Fresh starts.

New dawns.

And I'm ready to hope again.

How can I not hope

when Jesus loves like this.

How can I resist

when He sees my struggle

and never once condemns.

I hold myself back,

unworthy of His holiness.

But He draws closer

and He covers me.

Always covers me.

His cloak about my shoulders.

Trading places.

My sin for His righteousness.

He paid for it all.

Spilling blood as the highest price.

And He knew what He was getting.

Knew my failures, 

knew my faults.

And still He says,

"I did it for the joy you are to me."

My heart cannot contain this love

can't even begin to understand it.

But I'm giving myself up to it.

a true story

I am really excited to be a part of the blog tour for Lynnette's book now in print, He Heard Hannah!  Lynnette Kraft with Courtney Becker share a heart felt and true account of how one little girl's short life  affected the eternity of someone else.

This book's journey to publishing has been one of answered prayers.  It's a true story God wants to use.  It's a story He's already used in powerful, miraculous, amazing ways.  I received it in the mail about a month ago and it couldn't have come at a more needed time.  I was still wounded from my third pregnancy loss, I had questions, I had fears, I had uncertainties.  I was asking God that famous question "why?" and I just wanted to know the meaning in the suffering.

My heart devoured this book.  The journey of this family's faith and the ability of our God to turn tragedy into triumph that we could never imagine, is an exalting and faith lifting story.  My faith was strengthened by their testimony.

Lynnette Kraft

Courtney Becker

Years ago, when I first started blogging, I came across Lynnette's blog and was so inspired by her contagious joy even after suffering the loss of three of her children.  I just love Lynnette, she is completely genuine.  She truly cares about people.  She truly loves Jesus.  She's become a friend that I deeply respect.  

And I'm so very thankful for the gift this book is.

It's a testimony of God's goodness, His faithfulness, His redeeming power.

It's a reminder of just how precious our testimonies are to our God.

He Heard Hannah is a very real story of hope.  

Hope that springs from heartache.

Hope that is eternal.

Visit the website here.

Purchase the book for yourself or someone you know here or here.

Read Lynnette's personal blog here

down by the docks

These past few weekends have been full of all kinds of excitement.  Another birthday, fishin', blackberry pickin', daddy's homemade slip n' slides, and froggin' (more about that last one in another post I promise).  Sunshine and smiles all around.  We've been having so much fun it takes us about a week to recover.  Well, okay, the kids seem to recover just fine, but I'm the one wondering why the laundry didn't fold itself while I was so busy enjoying the weekend  (hands on hips staring the monster of laundry down).  

On Friday, we headed out to the boat docks to catch some crabs.  Legend made a fish friend.  I won't tell you how long he held it for.  He seriously would not let go.  We fished and splashed and "wading" in the water turned into "oops, I fell in and now I'm swimming, mom!".  It was a golden afternoon.  Nothing really planned, just discovered.  It reminded me of my favorite childhood memories, fishing with my dad.  It makes me insanely happy to now be a part of making those memories for my own children.  I could have stayed and cleaned my house (it really needed it), I could have remained at home, folding laundry (very tempting), I could have been doing a million other necessary things, but I'm glad I chose to go.  I'm glad I spent time enjoying my family and sharing this adventure with them.

I'm attempting (with God's help) to learn how to manage my time wisely.  And that doesn't always mean I get everything done that needs to be done, but that I learn to do what's most important first and that I show up "all there", thankful and enthusiastic.  Most important to me is definitely loving my family well.  So, I guess the biggest lesson I'm learning is that I have to go to bed earlier.  I know, what an idea!  Who would have thought?  Definitely not me, I guess.  I'm a chronic night owl.  Chronic.  But I think there's hope for me.  The other day I actually went to bed by ten o'clock.  Ten o'clock people!!  It's a record.  It might have been 9:57.  Does this mean I'm getting smarter or older?  

a day in the life of her

Today I'm over at the lovely Annalea Hart's guest posting for her refreshing series called A Day in The Life of Her...

p.s.  I'm also sharing over here.

tick tock...God's clock not mine

source

I've been slowing down a whole lot lately.


But not because I want to, or for any deeply spiritual reason, but because I feel like crap.


Mornings are the worst. I just want to pull the sheet over my head and pretend I don't have four kids jumping on top of me yelling, "momm-y! come on! we're thirsty and hungry and we want scrambled eggs, toast, oatmeal, and waffles, kay?"


I've tried it. It's kind of hard to drift off into bliss when you're suffering from a mild concussion caused by one of your too sunny morning children landing on your head.


My kids totally don't get the whole concept of sleeping in.


So after the tenth day of having to pinch myself awake, waking up starving but hating even the idea of eating, I pretty much knew.


A little blue on a stick confirmed my suspicions.


Mmmhmmm.  


Mmmmmmmmhhhhmmmmm.


Mmmmhmmm.


I'm a little speechless, m'kay?  Just processing here.


Totally blessed.  Totally thankful.


But totally overwhelmed too, I'm not gonna lie.


And part of me is wondering why on earth I'm posting this so soon and the other part of me knows I can't write another post without writing this one.


A few years ago I said the unthinkable  (I mean really said it and actually meant it),  "God whatever you want, I'll do.  I don't call the shots. I don't run the show.  I'm not in control and I won't get in your way.  I don't want to just say I trust you, I want to live like I do.  Every single detail of my life is yours to govern."  


And it was a downright scary thing to say.   Scarier now when I know what it can cost.   I've had to say it often, because the truth is that my flesh starts to freak out and my mind starts doing somersaults and I have a million doubts and endless questions and I'm sure to raise eyebrows.


And of course it all comes down to trust.


Do I trust Him?


I mean really, really trust him.


And not in that cheesy old adage of a way, the one that's not in the bible, but we Christians like to quote,  you know, "God will never give you more than you can handle."


What?!  For real?!!  I'm so far past "more than I can handle" it's not even funny.  For some reason, this quote brings me absolutely no comfort!  


But you know what does bring me comfort?


God may give me more than I can handle, but He promises to see me through.  


His promises are my comfort.


So bring on the blessings, Lord, those wild, completely unpredictable but absolutely miraculous blessings.


I'm leaning on you.

beautifully rooted: u-turns

source

I was going through the motions of living...
swirling circles in dishes full of soapy water,
wiping sticky faces, holding babies close,
sweeping the floor a hundred times or more.

But I felt a disconnect in my spirit,
a heaviness like a whole brick load of sorrow.
It was an ache that wouldn't leave and the more I ignored it,
the louder it shouted.


Heartbreak...

...Read the full article here at Beautifully Rooted...

a rocket and a rainbow birthday

We partied ya'all.  

Celebrated four years of twindom!  

And now I know why cakes are so expensive.  It took me almost two days to make these!  But I really wanted something special for each twin and I let them choose what cake they wanted me to make.  Boston's heart was set on a rocket ship and Astair saw a rainbow cake on pinterest and fell in love.  At first I was worried that I wouldn't be able to pull it off, but I'm really happy and more than a little surprised at how they turned out.  And they even tasted good, too!  If you know me, this is a major accomplishment.  I have a Betty Crocker complex and the kitchen is intimidating territory, but no more!  Step aside, Ms. Crocker, I've got two successful cakes under my belt.

We had loads of fun and I just loved how Boston and Astair's faces lit up when we sang them happy birthday and they got to be the center of attention.  Being the middle children and twins to boot,  it doesn't happen as often as it should.  It was pretty wonderful.  Boston was glowing and Astair was shyly soaking it up.  I love these kids.

I took tons of pictures and here are just a few:

The end of a very happy birthday.

a leap day birthday and fabulous one minute cakes in a cup

Yesterday was Leap Day and the twin's first birthday!  

They are officially four years old but this is the first time in four years they actually got to celebrate February 29th!  So, it was pretty special.  My mom flew in late Monday night so she could be here for the big day that only happens once in a leap year and we're planning a party on Saturday.  My friend came over with party hats and presents (super sweet!) and my mom brought a FABULOUS recipe for cakes in a cup that cook in one minute.  Seriously awesome, mom.  The kids had a blast making their own cakes and it's instant gratification.  I just can't get over how EASY this recipe is and how much FUN it was to make!  Even me, with all my culinarily challenged capabilities, was able to make these without a fuss.  Three cheers for a Happy Birthday and cakes in a cup!!

Here's what you'll need:

1 box One-Step Angel Food Cake  (the just add water kind)

1 box Cake mix of your choice (we used strawberry)

1 gallon ziploc bag

Microwaveable safe average sized coffee cups and/or tea cups  (not glass)

Easy as 1-2-3 directions:

1.  Mix both boxes of cake mix together in a ziploc bag.  Let the kids toss it around a bit.  

2.  Add 2 T of water to your teacup and 3 T of the cake mix.  Stir.

3.  Pop in the microwave for ONE MINUTE and it's done!  Add some whipped topping if it makes you happy.

Happy Birthday, Astair and Boston!

My Dearest Astair, 

You are my sunshine!!  Your heart is so light and your smile so carefree.  You teach me everyday to enjoy life!  You dance your way into our hearts and your little lilting laugh is the sweetest melody I've ever heard.  You're my flower child, running through fields and bringing me bouquets.  You are such a delight!  I love you with all my heart and soul.

Love,

Mommy

My Boston Boy,

You fill our home with love and personality!!  You have the biggest heart and I look forward to your wide arm bear hugs and your "I love you's" every single day.  I love the way you love people and you're always looking out for your brothers and sister.  You never leave anyone behind.  You're strong and sensitive and absolutely charming!  You have my heart completely.

Love,

Mommy

On a Side Note:  I'm sharing over HERE today and I kind of broke out into a teeny tiny cold sweat when it posted because it's painfully honest...

my baby likes soap

Joel found this under the sink the other day!

We have a hunch who the culprit is.

And he must have liked it, too,

because we found two more soap bars with missing chunks!

He loves me

A walk in the woods and it was there

A lover's message

He knows how to catch my eye

and hug my soul

Linking up with:

what it's all about:

thrifting: a family thing

It's no small secret that I love to thrift.  But it's also no small secret that I have a bunch of kids.  Kids + thrifting can be challenging.  LOTS of breakables.  LOTS of clothing racks.  Four kids + one mommy = Outnumbered.  I've learned (painfully) to avoid the smaller stores when I'm carting the crew.  I stick to wide aisles and fenced off ceramics (ok, so I wish that last part was an option).  

I've also learned to make a beeline for the book section as soon as we enter the store.  Each kid gets to pick out a couple books and they are responsible for carrying their books around the store until we checkout.  No more free hands.  No more grabbing random strange objects that look cool to a kid but freak mommy out and then proceeding to throw them in her cart where they get hidden underneath the rest of the goods and end up coming home with us.  Nope.  No more.  Even Legend is distracted by a book in his hands and gives me at least 15 minutes to stake out the store, grab what I've been looking for, and get outta Dodge.  

I'm also not above promising them ice cream for an incident free shopping spree.  Some call it bribery.  I like to think of it as a reward well earned.  Icing on the cake.

The secret to thrifting is that you have to go often.  The early bird gets the worm and the faithful thrifter get the treasure.  I usually make it my business to know when more merchandise is re-stocked  (some smaller thrift stores are continually bringing out merchandise, but larger chains like Goodwill often re-stock at the beginning of every week).  Most of the time it's fun.  I tell them we're going on a treasure hunt and I list what "treasures"  I need them to help me find.  

"Treasures" I'm always on the look-out for:

>>>> Old children's books

<<<< Vintage suitcases

>>>> Artwork

>>>> Frames

<<<< Vintage linens and fabric

>>>> Vintage children's toys

<<<< Vintage clothing

>>>>  Mid century Furniture

<<<<  Retro desk lamps

>>>>  Retro shoes

>>>>  Old maps

<<<<  Typewriters

>>>>  Quilts/ Afghans

<<<<  Fine china

>>>>  Retro clocks and radios

>>>>  Vintage handkerchiefs

<<<<  Tea cups and saucers

>>>>  Vintage sewing patterns

<<<<  Vintage kitchen utensils

>>>>  Vintage sewing supplies/craft supplies

>>>>  Vintage paper ephemera

I'm pretty selective and I like things for cheap so most of my best finds have been at little hole in the wall thrift stores in small towns.  The bigger chains have been raising their prices (grrrrrrr....) and I have a love/hate relationship with Goodwill (where's the good?  Goodwill doesn't really give anything to charity, their CEO is a billionaire, and they only "say" that they employ the handicapped but I've rarely seen that).  I have the utmost respect for Salvation Army, St. Vincent de Paul, and other ministry related thrift stores that have a proven track record of giving.  Most of these smaller stores will let you haggle on prices if you truly think the asking price is unfair, which I have on only a few occasions.  Goodwill doesn't do this anymore.  Another strike, in my opinion.   So, for the most part, shopping at the small stores is a win/win.

Now, if only their aisles were bigger and those ceramics were in a locked room....