great plus attitude equals gratitude (or something cheesy like that)

Story at almost three weeks in a headband I made for her (#don'tworrybabygirlmommyknewyouwouldbebaldsoshemadeyoulotsofheadbands)

Joel, "The Stache", and his two sisters Beth and Sarah

tl:  my dearest Astair  tr: only half of the thirty something family that were there  

bl:  a few of the cousins  br:  pumpkin centerpiece I just had to photograph

And now we are seven.

I'm overwhelmed with thankfulness.

And God is reminding me that this is what grace-filled living is:  to be thankful at all times.

I remember it like it was yesterday, rocking two infant twins, one tucked in each arm nursing.

I wondered then how I would make it through the long nights and demanding days ahead.  

I remember the weight of their warm bodies filling my arms and flooding my heart, doubly blessed. 

My mind had been wrestling with worry and exhaustion, but at that moment, gratitude won.

And gratitude is the orchard where the fruits of the Spirit are grown.  

"Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are all cultivated in the thankful soul,"  I felt that soul deep God voice whisper, "And this is how you will make it through-- by giving thanks continually."

My heart has been reminded and I will continually count my blessings...

1.  The smell of newborn skin

2.  A little girl asleep on her daddy's chest

3.  Giggles from a two year old and his sweet hugs

4.  Gifts and meals from wonderful friends

5.  Grace unending 

6.  Being loved by a good man

7.  My boys  (all of them)

8.  Sweet sister love from the best big sister ever

9.  Almond M&M's  

10.  Christmas lights

and tomorrow holds even more...

my how time flies my darling

If there's anything that can be said after now having five children, it's this:

I know how fast time flies.

It feels like just yesterday I held my first baby in my arms, nursed twins through sleepless nights, and rocked a squirming Legend.

They grow in a blink, their tiny, cuddly bodies grow tall and heavy in my arms.

The best advice I ever received as a new mother was to cherish every single minute--especially the sleepless nights.

They won't last forever (even though it feels like it's been seven years since I've had a good night's rest).

Those twelve, two, and four a.m. mommy and baby appointments are once in a lifetime chances to hold my baby close, nourish that tiny body with my own love and warmth and pray the kinds of prayers only mothers up all night can pray.

This is  meant to be taken slowly.

And I'm not rushing anything.

Time moves too quickly as it is.

As chaotic as life can get with five children, I'm learning not to rush.

To live in the moment and to love in the moment.

That's been my prayer of late.

Story Grace.

Ah, she's brought sweet grace to our home already.

Grace that I'm learning to take hold of with both hands and cling to like the life saver it is.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

I'll take it, Lord!  All Grace. 

And speaking of the greatest gifts that come for free,

I've been dying to share pictures of a package I got in the mail   

the day before Story was born.

It  had been a hard morning.

And then this showed up on my doorstep.

The most lovely package from a dear friend, Mary at Finding Healthy Hope.

And it blessed my socks off.

We've never met in person, only through our blogs, but 

she gets me.

Totally.

Just look at all the darling things she sent!

How creative are these felt and stick arrows?  Five arrows bound up with a tag that read:  Psalm  127:4.

"Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth"

And God reminded me all over again what a tremendous blessing children are.
(remember, it had been one of those days and I really needed this reminder!) 

And I could rave on and on and on about these adorable crocheted baby mocs.

Mary's sweet daughter Elly made these and I am in love with them!

Love this sweet baby afghan.

And this.

Yes, Lord.

It says it all.

Everything I want my heart to say.

What a gift from a truly beautiful friend.

I am blessed.

My heart is so full of thankfulness for the friends and family I have.

For warm meals from dear hearts and for the body of Christ, his church, an extension of his love.

Our Story

She's here.

Our Story Grace.

And we are all head over heels in love.

Life has slowed down over here.

We're finding a new rhythm.

Taking every minute in,

 experiencing life through the eyes of the newest born.

She's our Story for now,

but she's God's Story first and forever.

*We are thanking God for her health, her clavicle was fractured during birth, but she's doing wonderfully

a letter to story

Dearest Story,

We know your debut is going to be a great one, because God is waiting until the very last minute to release you.  He must be enjoying this time He has with you all to Himself.  Like a painting still dripping wet with the loving strokes of it's Creator, He's adding the final touches to you, His masterpiece.  

Around here, we are anxious for your arrival.  Anxious to touch and feel and kiss you, to see your eyes blink for the first time and hear your lungs bursting with expression.  There's a sweet smell of heaven that still clings to that newborn skin and the aroma is a cleansing one.

Your brothers and sister are so impatient to meet you.  They love you already.  Your big sister Astair has been busy making you hair bows with Momma, helping decorate your nursery, and picking out clothes for you.   Everyday she asks about you, urges mommy to walk around the block with her "to help get Story out".  She draws you pictures and talks about how she will babysit you and give you lots of hugs.  

Yesterday, your mommy went in for an induction because Grandma Chick was here and we so wanted her to meet you before she had to leave, but we decided to let you come on your own time.  Your Grandma loves you and she was sad to go, but we know she'll get to meet you one day soon.  When we got home from the hospital, your brothers and sister made you onesies.  

And tonight, as I learn to trust in God's perfect timing, He whispered this sweet message to you into my listening ear,

My Story, 

Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.  Before you were born I set you apart for my holy purpose.  (Jer. 1:5)

All beautiful you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you. (Song of Sol.  4:7)

I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with an unfailing kindness.  (Jer. 31:3)

You have my heart,

The Lord Your God 

And my heart is yours, forever, too.

Love,

Your Mommy

the lovely lately...

This weekend has been a gift.

I'm so thankful for a husband who packs up all the kids and takes them to donut shops and for walks in the woods, who lets me sleep in, builds campfires in the backyard, and roasts marshmallows and hot dogs (for breakfast), grills burgers, and rolls my kids around in a barrel (just for fun).  

I love you, baby, beard and all.

My mom and I got to spend some precious time together.  

We browsed through a little gift shop where I found the most adorable handmade vintage fabric bag.  It's more spacious then the picture shows and I can't wait to use it as Story's diaper bag.

I've had a million and one sewing projects swirling through my head lately... 

Fabric bows, hand drawn dolls, ruffled onesies...  

But I had to limit myself to just one more and that was a nursing cover for Story.

Super easy to make and lovely as well.

Definitely a highlight of our weekend was an incredible surprise that landed on our doorstep from our cousin Sheri...

A box FULL of the most carefully thought out art projects and supplies for my kids!!

It was amazing and it felt like Christmas!  We had so much fun going through all the fabulous creative goodies!

She had packaged every project and included several ideas for the items she sent.

Completely FABULOUS.

There was a bag for the kids to personalize a onesie for Story, crayons to melt down in muffin tins, cards for them to design, art aprons, art paper, oil pastels, markers, frames for self portraits, chalkboard hangers, chalk board tongue depressers with chalk to label plants or play games with, and a lovely painted handmade flower.  

And everything was so thoughtfully labeled! 

It's no surprise she's a talented artist who sells her lovely paintings in her esty shop.

Her seascape paintings are my absolute favorites.

What a treasure this box is for us!

We're enjoying this last weekend with our Grandma.

Going to parks, riding bikes (Thad helped Astair learn to ride without training wheels and she is beyond excited), and eating all you can eat chinese (the kids all loved that part the most).

I'm trying not to drive myself crazy with waiting.  I've tied so many different things to help bring on labor and now I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that this baby isn't budging till she's ready.

So we'll wait some more.

And it will be ok.

on life and death, trust and fear

My sweet motherest is here.

And we are waiting.

Not sitting around twiddling our thumbs (is anyone capable of that with four children?)

But trying to cover all the baby bases.

Think evening primrose oil, black cohosh, and jumping on trampolines...

My babies like to stay put.

And get really fat and really, really big.

They've got it backwards.

I would prefer they do all their growing post partum, thankyouverymuch my little womb baby.

On the more emotional note (everything is emotional at this stage and be forewarned this is A LOT of emotions I'm throwing out there),

I've struggled with losing my peace during this pregnancy.

There are still some stormy emotional experiences I've had to work through, but I've felt the gentle healing hands of my God re-binding old wounds and walking me through forgiveness.  

Over and over again. 

It's the only thing that truly frees us, isn't it.

Forgiving.  And being forgiven.

I've wanted to understand, thinking that would make forgiveness easier.

I've wanted those I've forgiven to understand as well.

But I'm learning that love covers over all wrongs.

It overlooks.

Not ignores.

Just chooses to focus OVER the offense and LOOK into the face of Jesus.

And then there was the phone call last night.

My dear, sweet Uncle Johnny passed away.

My mother has been caring for her mentally handicapped brother and her 90 year old mother for the past few years.

Only two days ago, we found out that his body was completely infected with cancer.  

He was sick for the past two weeks and when they had tests done, they were taken aback by how quickly cancer had spread.

My mom was here with me and I know it broke her heart not to have been there when he breathed his last breath.

It happened peacefully.

In his sleep.

On the way to the cancer treatment center.

It's hard to explain just how special my Uncle Johnny was.

He loved Jesus with all his heart and with the purity and intensity of a little child.

Johnny was an eleven year old boy in a 65 year old man's body.

And in many ways, I believe that was a gift.

He knew Jesus and trusted him absolutely.

And I believe that God, in his mercy, spared my Uncle Johnny the worst possible pain, and gently led him home in his dreams.

I'll never forget his shy hugs or his loud, exuberant voice as he would sing along to his favorite gospel songs.

Even with all the medical problems he faced, he never wavered in his belief that Jesus loved him and was taking care of him.

He's an inspiration to me.

The greatest thing in life really is to love God and to be loved by Him.

Somewhere amid all the hurt and pain that gets so intense it robs the breath of life, I can lose my focus.

I get afraid.

Hurt can do that.

We wonder where God was when the blow landed hard.

Fear inhibits trust.

And love can't flourish without trust.

I have to trust my God's heart towards me.

And the more I trust Him, the more His love can fill me.

It's his perfect love that casts out fear.

I can look up into the skies of tomorrow with joyful expectation, not fearfulness or despair,

because I'm looking into the eyes of my Savior, the Love of my Life, my Soul Maker, who is completely worthy of all my trust.

And even as I was typing this, my two year old woke up screaming...again.

He has night terrors almost every night.  Sometimes two or three times a night.

He cries and screams inconsolably.  I try everything.

But mostly all I can do is pray.  And usually cry along with him.

I feel worry sink into my exhausted brain and with it comes the fear of having a newborn and a toddler both keeping me up all hours of the night and somehow still be a patient mom to my oldest three.

I get afraid that my mother won't get to meet Story before she has to leave on a plane for the funeral.

So many worries.  So many concerns.

But then I hear Johnny's sweet voice, feel his pat on my back and his shy, boyish smile and the words he would tell me when he was going through yet another surgery,

"It's ok, Joye, God's taking care of your Uncle Johnny."

And it's that kind of trust I want.

It's that kind of trust that I need.

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..."  Isaiah 30:15

In quietness and trust in my God is where I will find my strength.