i think it's time for an update

Just holding on and trusting God.

We've been on a roller coaster of emotions and a winding track of unknowns.

On Monday the doctors were concerned that this was not a miscarriage but an ectopic pregnancy.   There was no baby (and no gestational sac) found on the ultrasound in the ER but my hCG levels were high.  Which I guess in laymen's terms that means the baby didn't reach my uterus and is growing in my fallopian tube instead.  The blood test on Tuesday showed a rise in hCG levels as well.  We were told to go straight to the Emergency Room if I experienced more bleeding and cramping along with weakness and faintness.

I hadn't been experiencing much pain so the moment I started feeling all of these symptoms I grew concerned.  If it was ectopic, than the baby eventually bursts the tube and causes internal bleeding.  I was   scared.  So we went on in to the Emergency Room at 11:20 p.m.  And we waited for three hours.  After numerous tests and an ultrasound we felt like we were back at square one.  I had mentioned to my ultrasound tech that I would like to know if a molar pregnancy had been ruled out.  (thank God for the internet--my main source of information)

The results from the ultrasound showed masses of tissue that would be consistent with a molar pregnancy.  And it turns out that is what this has been diagnosed as this far.  In a molar pregnancy there are chromosomal abnormalities that occur at conception and it causes tissue to form that destroys the pregnancy but grows at a rapid rate and makes the pregnancy hormone levels rise alarmingly. Tomorrow I am scheduled for a D & C.  They have to remove all of the tissue from my uterus so that it doesn't continue to spread.  

This was probably wayyy too much information, but I wanted to post it just in case anyone else has had to go through multiple tests and misdiagnosis.  To finally be able to name what you are battling makes the fight seem easier somehow.

Thank you for all your prayers!!  God has knit them together to form a hammock for me to rest in.  There's peace just resting in the sureness of His love.

I heard a song the other day when I tuned in as I often do to the International House of Prayer's live web stream (Monday 9:52 a.m. Tim Reimherr in  archives).  They have prayer and worship twenty-four hours a day every single day.  Powerful, powerful stuff.  The stuff that miracles are made of and revivals are lit by.  Prayer and worship.  Unceasingly.  

God ministered to me so sweetly, reviving my soul like only He can.

And this is the song:

I'm holding on to your divine love

I'm holding on and I'm not letting go

It's not my zeal

It's that your love is strong

It's not my strength 

It's that you're faithful

I look into your eyes of mercy

And I remember that your heart is for me

I just want a heart that is fully in love

Yes, Jesus,

When everything seems so uncertain and there are questions that can't be answered, your eyes hold the one sure thing:  your heart is for me. 

Your heart is for me.