tick tock...God's clock not mine

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I've been slowing down a whole lot lately.


But not because I want to, or for any deeply spiritual reason, but because I feel like crap.


Mornings are the worst. I just want to pull the sheet over my head and pretend I don't have four kids jumping on top of me yelling, "momm-y! come on! we're thirsty and hungry and we want scrambled eggs, toast, oatmeal, and waffles, kay?"


I've tried it. It's kind of hard to drift off into bliss when you're suffering from a mild concussion caused by one of your too sunny morning children landing on your head.


My kids totally don't get the whole concept of sleeping in.


So after the tenth day of having to pinch myself awake, waking up starving but hating even the idea of eating, I pretty much knew.


A little blue on a stick confirmed my suspicions.


Mmmhmmm.  


Mmmmmmmmhhhhmmmmm.


Mmmmhmmm.


I'm a little speechless, m'kay?  Just processing here.


Totally blessed.  Totally thankful.


But totally overwhelmed too, I'm not gonna lie.


And part of me is wondering why on earth I'm posting this so soon and the other part of me knows I can't write another post without writing this one.


A few years ago I said the unthinkable  (I mean really said it and actually meant it),  "God whatever you want, I'll do.  I don't call the shots. I don't run the show.  I'm not in control and I won't get in your way.  I don't want to just say I trust you, I want to live like I do.  Every single detail of my life is yours to govern."  


And it was a downright scary thing to say.   Scarier now when I know what it can cost.   I've had to say it often, because the truth is that my flesh starts to freak out and my mind starts doing somersaults and I have a million doubts and endless questions and I'm sure to raise eyebrows.


And of course it all comes down to trust.


Do I trust Him?


I mean really, really trust him.


And not in that cheesy old adage of a way, the one that's not in the bible, but we Christians like to quote,  you know, "God will never give you more than you can handle."


What?!  For real?!!  I'm so far past "more than I can handle" it's not even funny.  For some reason, this quote brings me absolutely no comfort!  


But you know what does bring me comfort?


God may give me more than I can handle, but He promises to see me through.  


His promises are my comfort.


So bring on the blessings, Lord, those wild, completely unpredictable but absolutely miraculous blessings.


I'm leaning on you.