tick tock...God's clock not mine

I've been slowing down a whole lot lately.

But not because I want to, or for any deeply spiritual reason, but because I feel like crap.

Mornings are the worst. I just want to pull the sheet over my head and pretend I don't have four kids jumping on top of me yelling, "momm-y! come on! we're thirsty and hungry and we want scrambled eggs, toast, oatmeal, and waffles, kay?"

I've tried it. It's kind of hard to drift off into bliss when you're suffering from a mild concussion caused by one of your too sunny morning children landing on your head.

My kids totally don't get the whole concept of sleeping in.

So after the tenth day of having to pinch myself awake, waking up starving but hating even the idea of eating, I pretty much knew.

A little blue on a stick confirmed my suspicions.




I'm a little speechless, m'kay?  Just processing here.

Totally blessed.  Totally thankful.

But totally overwhelmed too, I'm not gonna lie.

And part of me is wondering why on earth I'm posting this so soon and the other part of me knows I can't write another post without writing this one.

A few years ago I said the unthinkable  (I mean really said it and actually meant it),  "God whatever you want, I'll do.  I don't call the shots. I don't run the show.  I'm not in control and I won't get in your way.  I don't want to just say I trust you, I want to live like I do.  Every single detail of my life is yours to govern."  

And it was a downright scary thing to say.   Scarier now when I know what it can cost.   I've had to say it often, because the truth is that my flesh starts to freak out and my mind starts doing somersaults and I have a million doubts and endless questions and I'm sure to raise eyebrows.

And of course it all comes down to trust.

Do I trust Him?

I mean really, really trust him.

And not in that cheesy old adage of a way, the one that's not in the bible, but we Christians like to quote,  you know, "God will never give you more than you can handle."

What?!  For real?!!  I'm so far past "more than I can handle" it's not even funny.  For some reason, this quote brings me absolutely no comfort!  

But you know what does bring me comfort?

God may give me more than I can handle, but He promises to see me through.  

His promises are my comfort.

So bring on the blessings, Lord, those wild, completely unpredictable but absolutely miraculous blessings.

I'm leaning on you.


Sarah said...

Wow that's SOOOOO wonderful! I'm sure it's a little scary in a way, but children are a blessing even when it's crazy difficult. I think you are an awesome mom and are doing great. It's going to be so much fun! Especially when they all get a little older and you are past the really little kid stage. You'll do great!

- Sarah

Dee said...

oh! oh, oh!!!
this is fantastic. REALLY! :)))
but i know how you feel...even though #5 was really wanted, it was still the first time i cried when i saw the positive on the test (not happy cry either!) i guess the dream of 5 kids is a little different to the reality.
3 weeks with 5 kids and i'm taking the adjusting really slow and easy :))
so many congratulations and blessings. i hope the sickness passes soon XOXO

Breeann said...

Congrats!! What a blessing :) Keep trusting in Him and knowing He knows what's best for you. xoxo

BARBIE said...

What wonderful news Joye! Congratulations.

Southern Gal said...

Congratulations! Yes, He will see you through. The time change couldn't have come at a worse time for you, huh? Hugs to you and your brood!

carissa at lowercase letters said...

congrats!!! the Lord has really seen fit to bless you with arrows! i'm so happy for you. and yes, i totally agree with the more than you can handle thing. we can't handle anything! it's all Him working through us! praying that during this tired trimester the Lord would strengthen you in miracle shaped ways. hugs!

Changing Lanes said...

Yay!!! So happy for you! Praying for a healthy pregnancy this time!!!!!!

Apologies for never emailing you back again. My computer exploded and I have to Manu other things to spend money on for the family, so I haven't replaced and this iPhone typing is NOT for my fat fingers. :))

Love and blessings!! Eeeeek!!!

Miranda said...

OH, Joye! I so get you on this and feel for you in every way. I am excited for you and for the plan God is working into your life and family. I know that our God is good, all the time and that He truly knows what we need and how to best use us and grow us and supply all that we need from Him. I know the fear in your faith, how your heart longs to please and obey, how freeing and completely scarey it is to let go of all and let God. I know because I'm right here with you, 32 weeks pregnant with my 5th child. Each day of this pregnancy God has given me strength and peace, though at first I didn't feel alot of peace, like you said I wavered in the freakingout-trustingGod stage. Even today, I don't know how God is going to provide certain needs or how I will be able to deal with all this responsibility, but I am trusting and have peace. I keep going back to our God can be trusted, He is miraculous and wonderful, He is perfect, He is all that I need and I want to live my life for Him and no other. Here is my post about my struggle http://www.sippycupsandfingerprints.com/2011/10/these-are-children-lord-has-graciously.html
Praying for you today! I know it's not easy, I know how hard it is to let things go and only do the necessities because you simply can't do more. Don't feel guilty, it is only for a season and the sacrifices a family makes for the life a child are all worth it. Congratulations!!

Kyle said...

i read all the time, but don't comment as much as i should...just wanted to say congratulations! and i totally 100% understand what you're saying here. when i found out i was pregnant with this baby (my third in 3 years) my jaw about hit the floor. not that i wasn't totally happy, but it took a while for the shock to sink it ( 20 weeks later, it still is). it's nice to read your honesty here because sometimes it feels like if we're anything but 100% elated at the thought of another baby, there's something wrong. glad to know that i'm not the only one who had a little shock and awe :)

Lindsay @ 402CenterStreet.blogspot.com said...

Congratulations! :) And. . . oh my goodness!!! I totally agree. . . I can't handle a lick of what's been sent my way. . . so thankful for His grace that pulls me through. Praying the same for you.

Stephanie said...

Woo hoo! We'll travel this journey together - I'm 10 weeks today with our third. And I'm excited and nervous all at once!

Mary said...

what a blessing!
the kids and i were just reading ,
"4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. 5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed , but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate."
Psalm 127

Praying for you. For strength, energy, peace, and health!

Lauren said...

WOW!!! Sooooo happy for you!! What wonderful and surprising news!! :) You make such cute babies - so happy there will be another one in the world soon!!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! We, too, a few years ago (about 20, actually)

said the unthinkable (I mean really said it and actually meant it), "God whatever you want, I'll do. I don't call the shots. I don't run the show. I'm not in control and I won't get in your way.

It has been a wild ride!

Small Town Joy: said...

Yay! I will start praying right away!

Rachel~Wildflower Photography Studio and a little bit vintage said...

congrats, joye!! how exciting! praying for you! ;)

Kelly said...

Congratulations Joye.
"So bring in the blessings Lord"
Love it! Bring it! Amen!
Praying for you.

melissa said...

oh so sweet!
Congratulations sweetheart!

Sammy said...

Congratulations! Praying for peace and for the morning sickness to disappear!

jessicaclarke said...

Congratulations! I know it can be overwhelming, but somehow things always seem to work out in the end. Hope you can get some rest:)

Coby said...

YAY! Congratulations! I prayed the same thing several years ago, and then again this morning: "Lord, whatever you have for me, I'll do it, I'll follow you wherever you lead me." I meant it, and yikes!

So happy for you!

lisa said...

"What?! For real?!! I'm so far past "more than I can handle" it's not even funny."

I laughed out loud when I read this, because I can sooooo relate! Praying for you in every way...and congrats!

Wendy said...

I'm so happy for you! I know it has to be overwhelming, and morning sickness just sucks. Definitely sucks. But somewhere past many flips of the calender pages that joy and excitement will be there.

I'll be praying that morning sickness ends soon (I'm preggers right now too-so as I hug the toilet/sink/tree by the road, etc. I will be lifting us both up to our Heavenly Father).

Congrats to my inspirational internet friend :)

Abbey said...

That is so wonderful! Congratulations! You will have to bring your kids by to play with mine so you can have a break! I mean it! Call if you need anything!

September said...

I have been away for a while,, and seems that I have chosen the most perfect time to visit my friend her on her Journey!
And,,, I am so rejoicing with you,,, and want you to know,.,, that I totally get the place that you are in. I have been there... quite a few times,, Hang into that Life-Line my friend. If you want to chat- I will always be here. I am praying for you!

Emily said...

oh joye! my heart is leaping for you right now! and praying for you. you are such an inspiration to me and so many others! congrats and remember to always lean on Him!!! praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Kelly said...

Ahh, congrats!! So excited for you! I completely understand the speechless overwhelmed feeling! :) What peace comes with trusting God though. xoxo

ginanorma said...

Oh joye, congrats to you all! I can't imagine all you are feeling hon...
I love how you wrote this out though, and ya know what? I think that "quote" "verse" is twisted scripture, it comes from a verse in 1 Corthin. I think but it's the verse that says God won't give us any TEMPTATIONS that He won't get us through, or something like that, like we won't be tempted beyond what He can help us with...so here we are again, connecting, b/c that quote is totally OFF, so that is why it doesn't bring you nor I comfort, it's not true!!! haha
Ok, well love you girl!

Missy said...


I agree that when you are in the moment, you can despise that whole "God will only give you more then you can handle" thing.

But when you look back, you realize He really does only give us what we can handle. =)

Whitney said...

I LOVE your heart!!!

Sadie Dear said...

So, I just happened across your beautiful blog today. And I am so blessed to read this post! Well, rest assured that your news is nothing short of another miracle. Feeling like it comes with time. I hope? I am two years in with my first and only. I think EVERY DAY about whether we will ever have another. Some days, I want another so much that I come to tears. Others, I want nothing more than to run and hide from the one I've got (just being real here). The only thing that gets me through is reminding myself Whose clock I am counting on.


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