i'm a big girl now

The other day I painted all by myself.  Oh the joy!

I was at my mother-in-love's house and she gave me the idea.  The kids were sleeping and I got to use "big girl" paints.  I think it's been a little over a year that I've sat down to paint "for real".  And it felt so good.  Not that I don't enjoy the numerous finger paintings and toast paintings, face paintings, toenail paintings, and paintings on mamma's wall.  Those are all fun, but they often require A LOT of clean up. Well, except for the time when we made homemade pudding paint.  We ended up licking the bowls clean and ourselves of course.

This, on the other hand, was stress-free, pain-free, and relatively mess-free.

I feel all growed up.

P.S.   My Dear Friends,

If you still stop by every now and then to make sure I'm yet alive and to read my scattered posts that reflect my scattered brain, I want to thank you from the absolute bottom of my still beating heart.  Life with little ones can be a consuming endeavor and I just want you to know that I love and appreciate your  presence here.  It makes this housewife of toddler county feel so rich in friendships :)

put on a princess dress and dance

Princess Astair at her birthday party (more pics to come!)

Sometimes you just have to put on a princess dress, blow some bubbles, and dance.

Even if you think you've forgotten how to dance.

Even if your heart hurts or you're weary from days and nights of battling on your knees in prayer.

Especially then.

You can dance, you can forget, you can chase bubbles across the lawn as if you didn't have a care in the world...

Because you can trust your Daddy God cares for you.

And He's looking after the details just so you can dance for Him.

Trusting.  Persevering.  Loving.  Forgiving.  Leaning.  Yearning.  Dancing.  Clinging.  Letting go.  Embracing  Jesus.

These are what I'm learning.

waves all around me but still

The Great Wave art print by dreamery studio

When Jesus beckoned me to come walk out on the water

I was so excited I forgot about the waves

All I could see was His face

Inviting me

His hands

Urging me to come

The first steps are shaky but sure

What joy!  What excitement!

Faith like a buoy propels my feet forward

But then what's this that blows across the water?

A wave?  A tempest?  A storm?

No longer are my steps secure

My eyes falter, the face of Jesus blurs

Would He let me sink now when he has called me to His side?

Doubt becomes the most treacherous of waves

An overwhelming urge to save myself

Sinks me further from the only one who can

But then He's there

Strong hands pulling me into the safety of His arms

The face I lost sight of

Now swimming in my tears

Oh Jesus, did I really love my life so much

I would take my eyes off of you just to save it?

It is YOU who called me

It is YOU who will see me through

And I count my life as nothing

Just to walk on the waves to you

Didn't know how else to say it.  So I remembered His Words here and here.  Wrote this poem.  And listened to this song over and over again.

still magnolias

Warmth spreads through cold and tired bones.

A promise, whispers new beginnings.

A mother's prayers for strength being answered.

Gently though.

As the glorious buds of a japanese magnolia

Grace unfolds slowly.

Opens even as it's thankful face gazes

Into the Son.

Living as a mere reflection of The Maker

Casting longing eyes toward home.

It's only through feasting on the glow of heaven

He makes her bloom

Here and now.

Happy Birthday my two three year olds

Those sunshiney smiles!

The Outtake

(before mommy bribed us with chocolate candy)

Oh the love!

(of candy...and each other of course)

My dearest little womb buddies,

You have brought inexplicable JOY to my life!  And not in average doses.  Double!  Double the love, double the fun!  I'm amazed by the treasures you are.  I'm amazed by our journey this far.

You couldn't be any more different.  Maybe that's what keeps me on my toes and praying for wisdom!  Astair, you are so strong and gentle.  Quiet and happy.  You're independent but yet you still love to please.  You know your own mind but leave us all guessing.  You are incredible.  Your sweet curls bouncing as you skip through fields picking flowers.  You have a bouyant spirit that fills our hearts with grace and our home with all things princess and pink (your choice of course).

Boston boy, your personality is vibrant and your love even more so.  You are so expressive and in touch with your feelings!  At three years old, you are already on your way to becoming a social expert.  You never meet a stranger.  Your love for people is limitless.  Strong and affectionate, you are intense in every emotion you feel.  You tell us all you love us a hundred times a day and we feel it to the tips of our toes.

I'm so thankful for EVERY DAY the Lord has blessed me with you two!   I'm surprised by the grace of it all.  God has placed such a limitless amount of extraordinary grace on your lives.  I still look back in awe.  Awed by the experience of being so full.  Holding, nursing, loving, cradling two of you.  

I love being

Your mommy

6 weeks old

10 months old

A year and a half old

Two years old

So much more to come...