small things in great faith

my very own little woodland fairy, i barely could capture her, she's always aflutter

I'm still here!  I promise.  Just feeling kind of blah lately and craving guacamole, chocolate covered everything, and tomato juice by the gallon.  Sometimes in that order, but hey, sorry to gross you out. I'm remembering all too well how the first trimester goes.  My body is picky, it wants peace and quiet and long hours with a book and it doesn't get appeased until after 9:30 p.m.

But other than that stuff, I still have other stuff that I'm trying to sort out in my heart.  Big things I always wanted to do for God and He keeps reminding my little brain that small things are sometimes the most important.  Small things done in great faith.  And even then, He's not so much worried about the doing than he is about my simply "being" with Him, in Him, a part of Him.

I should write this quote all over my house:

"Does it make sense to pray for guidance about the future if we are not obeying in the thing that lies before us today? How many momentous events in Scripture depended on one person's seemingly small act of obedience! Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next." ~ Elisabeth Elliot

My prayer has become, "God, show me what you desire for me to do this day.  However small, however big, give me the grace to do it."

life at twelve weeks

I could've kissed the ultrasound machine.

One perfect little profile and the sweetest little hands.

Thank you, Lord, for putting my fears to rest.

I was nervous but trying hard not to show it.

The ultrasound tech took tons of pictures and hugged me tight on the way out.  She and I have been through a lot together.  From baby one all the way to this one, my sixth.  She was there when my second baby showed no more signs of life at 21 weeks.  She watched me struggled with the loss, my tears unable to be controlled.  

It would be my third visit when she would break the surprise to me:  I had not one baby but two.  I was stunned, she was excited.

And then there was this past year.  Two non-viable pregnancies.  Molar tissue and a blighted ovum.  Both showed all the symptoms of a pregnancy, but were difficult to diagnose and even more painful to experience.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief as I walked out of that room last week.  This time I can anticipate holding a new baby in six months.  This time I can think of names and dream baby dreams.  This time I feel the stirring of life in me again.

Even after having five babies, I'm still so amazed by God's creative power. 

The sound of the life blood gushing through that little heart.  

The perfectly shaped nose, the tiny fingers and toes.  

God's fingerprints, his master design are all over his children.  

Creating new life is God's labor of love.

He makes all things new

He's making me new.

Washing me in grace.

Fresh starts.

New dawns.

And I'm ready to hope again.

How can I not hope

when Jesus loves like this.

How can I resist

when He sees my struggle

and never once condemns.

I hold myself back,

unworthy of His holiness.

But He draws closer

and He covers me.

Always covers me.

His cloak about my shoulders.

Trading places.

My sin for His righteousness.

He paid for it all.

Spilling blood as the highest price.

And He knew what He was getting.

Knew my failures, 

knew my faults.

And still He says,

"I did it for the joy you are to me."

My heart cannot contain this love

can't even begin to understand it.

But I'm giving myself up to it.

a true story

I am really excited to be a part of the blog tour for Lynnette's book now in print, He Heard Hannah!  Lynnette Kraft with Courtney Becker share a heart felt and true account of how one little girl's short life  affected the eternity of someone else.

This book's journey to publishing has been one of answered prayers.  It's a true story God wants to use.  It's a story He's already used in powerful, miraculous, amazing ways.  I received it in the mail about a month ago and it couldn't have come at a more needed time.  I was still wounded from my third pregnancy loss, I had questions, I had fears, I had uncertainties.  I was asking God that famous question "why?" and I just wanted to know the meaning in the suffering.

My heart devoured this book.  The journey of this family's faith and the ability of our God to turn tragedy into triumph that we could never imagine, is an exalting and faith lifting story.  My faith was strengthened by their testimony.

Lynnette Kraft

Courtney Becker

Years ago, when I first started blogging, I came across Lynnette's blog and was so inspired by her contagious joy even after suffering the loss of three of her children.  I just love Lynnette, she is completely genuine.  She truly cares about people.  She truly loves Jesus.  She's become a friend that I deeply respect.  

And I'm so very thankful for the gift this book is.

It's a testimony of God's goodness, His faithfulness, His redeeming power.

It's a reminder of just how precious our testimonies are to our God.

He Heard Hannah is a very real story of hope.  

Hope that springs from heartache.

Hope that is eternal.

Visit the website here.

Purchase the book for yourself or someone you know here or here.

Read Lynnette's personal blog here

down by the docks

These past few weekends have been full of all kinds of excitement.  Another birthday, fishin', blackberry pickin', daddy's homemade slip n' slides, and froggin' (more about that last one in another post I promise).  Sunshine and smiles all around.  We've been having so much fun it takes us about a week to recover.  Well, okay, the kids seem to recover just fine, but I'm the one wondering why the laundry didn't fold itself while I was so busy enjoying the weekend  (hands on hips staring the monster of laundry down).  

On Friday, we headed out to the boat docks to catch some crabs.  Legend made a fish friend.  I won't tell you how long he held it for.  He seriously would not let go.  We fished and splashed and "wading" in the water turned into "oops, I fell in and now I'm swimming, mom!".  It was a golden afternoon.  Nothing really planned, just discovered.  It reminded me of my favorite childhood memories, fishing with my dad.  It makes me insanely happy to now be a part of making those memories for my own children.  I could have stayed and cleaned my house (it really needed it), I could have remained at home, folding laundry (very tempting), I could have been doing a million other necessary things, but I'm glad I chose to go.  I'm glad I spent time enjoying my family and sharing this adventure with them.

I'm attempting (with God's help) to learn how to manage my time wisely.  And that doesn't always mean I get everything done that needs to be done, but that I learn to do what's most important first and that I show up "all there", thankful and enthusiastic.  Most important to me is definitely loving my family well.  So, I guess the biggest lesson I'm learning is that I have to go to bed earlier.  I know, what an idea!  Who would have thought?  Definitely not me, I guess.  I'm a chronic night owl.  Chronic.  But I think there's hope for me.  The other day I actually went to bed by ten o'clock.  Ten o'clock people!!  It's a record.  It might have been 9:57.  Does this mean I'm getting smarter or older?