family photo album

"Oops!  Did I just cut my bangs?  Oh, hahaha"

Mommy didn't think it was quite so funny.  And after telling Astair exactly what she thought, Astair  wailed, "Everybody won't like it"

Oh dear.  Must tread carefully here.

DJ Boston.

He's got that groove.

Those cool cat moves.

Those big puppy dog eyes of a Legend.

Hugs like a bear and kisses like one, too.

Loves his daddy like there's no tomorrow.

Loves his momma too.

Oh Thaddeus, Oh Thaddeus,

where have all your teeth gone?

Oh Thaddeus, Oh Thaddeus,

your smile is ever changing.

Daddy has one day off every week. 

 And the things we do in that one day could fill an entire month.  

We ride our bikes, we build campfires, we race our four wheeler, we make boats, we go on picnics, we swim, we laugh, we love him possessively and wish we didn't have to share him with overtime.

And then mommy gets daddy all to herself.  Sunday nights are date nights.  

Sunday is the most wonderful day.

Sunday nights are incredible.

This is for real, ya'all.

this may be a post about toilets and books

Just take a wild guess where this picture was taken.  Where in the world could you find a mother of four busy little children looking so absolutely peaceful?  It only lasted for three, maybe four minutes before some wee little person discovered my absence, but it was peace, nonetheless.  The great white throne room was quite a sanctuary.  Oh yes, you read that right-- I was hiding in the bathroom.  Ok, so maybe it felt just a tad bit foolish, but it was oh so very peaceful.  

I've never before understood why people bring reading material into their bathrooms.  I guess I never had the patience or time for luxurious baths, or for prolonged, uh-hum, toilet seat time (for lack of a better description).  But I've now recognized the importance and overall relaxing indulgence of a good many things to read in the bathroom.  Yep.  I now visit the restroom for that very purpose--to rest.  Why didn't I ever think of it before?  It's quite aptly named.  And reading is my unwinding, my uncurling of the toes, my mental breath of fresh air.  All I need now is a velvet chaise lounge beside my toilette.

And a bookcase.

Most definitely a bookcase.

Or I suppose my iphone will do.  I always said I would never read electronic books, that I preferred the weight of the words in my hand.  But then I discovered free ibooks.  And I can't refuse a free book.  I am one of those obsessive "readers" that has to be reading something all the time, whether it's the directions for my household appliances or even road signs, I MUST read.  I'm a speed reader, not one to skip words, just one to read them fast, hungrily almost.  

Right now, I'm consuming the classics.  They're free (have I mentioned that before).  And they're wonderful.  I was elated to discover some free works written by my favorite missionaries--  Amy Carmichael and C.T. Studd.  I've read Amy Carmichael's works, her prose and her poetry, since I was a little girl, but I just recently discovered her book Things As They Are and it is speaking to every cavern in my heart.  

Here's a list of some excellent free books I have in my ibook library (yes, we were just discussing toilets, but now we have naturally moved on to books):

Things As They Are

Amy Carmichael

Sovereign Grace

D.L. Moody

The Chocolate Soldier

C.T. Studd

The City of Fire

Grace Livingston Hill

Emma

Jane Austen

Home Education In Modern English

Charlotte Mason

Poems

Emily Dickinson

Jane Eyre

Charlotte Bronte

The Scottish Chiefs

Jane Porter

Hope of the Gospel

George MacDonald

(many many free books of his available

and some excellent fiction for older children)

I have to mention one other book you can download for free that I read back in highschool and have always loved.  I happen to own an old vintage copy of it that was printed in the late 1800s.  There are times when even the electronic version can't compete with the real, hundred year old deal.  

It's a classic called In His Steps by Charles Sheldon.

Isn't it lovely?  Don't you just love the old script on the first page?

But I digress.  That is all I am reading at the moment, and in my rest-a-room if I must.

Do you have any suggestions of books I can add to my plush bathroom library?

when God and I are honest

Face in hands, I watch as my tears drip heavy on my wooden floor.  One by one in a silent rain.

"I thought I knew you,"  my own voice sounds distant, strangled, hushed from the burdens it carries, mindful of the wounded pride it hints at.

"Oh, God, you know I said I'd give you everything, you know I promised to sacrifice it all.  But I never thought it would be like this.  Even when you came and took so much I held closest, leaving me mourning the loss of another dream of ministry, a loss of yet another pregnancy, an awakening in a cold hospital room without the comfort of my husband beside me, him being over a hundred miles away and working long hours and seven days a week.  You stripped me of all my security, yet why do I still feel you have rejected all I have surrendered to you?"

My angry words too hastily said now sit in the thick air between us.  I hold my breath, and your truth is here, as surely as I fill my lungs with it.

What sacrifice could I possibly give that would be acceptable to you?

You whisper truth and bring tender freedom, the truth I've always known yet somehow find myself forgetting:  there is no sacrifice but one.

One without sin, without blame, without stain of any kind.  One pure sacrifice made for...me.  His life for mine.  The Son of God, the only perfect Son of Man. 

And now He stands in my stead.

Jesus is ALL I have.

"There is no more that I could give to gain your acceptance now.  Of all the things I do, of all I give away to you, of all I say, or think, or am, to somehow earn your favor-- 

The only thing I have that you accept is Jesus.

The only thing you ask is that I LET HIM BE FOR ME WHAT I CANNOT.

And it really is that simple and yet that hard to grasp.

I am nothing.

But oh, how my Christ is everything!

And when you look at me, God, that is WHO you see and that is WHY you will always accept me."

schoolin' it homestyle

Hooray!  Hooray!  School started last Monday!  And there were NO TEARS!  Well, ok, so maybe I almost cried when our gooey art project turned into a slimy dripping mess of glue on my dining room chairs...

But, we ate a cupcake and threw ourselves a little back-to-school party and all was well with the world once again.  Cupcakes are wonderful like that, don't you know?  They are such happy little icing clad confections that spread their cheer quite infectiously.  I highly recommend their healing attributes.  They will relieve mommies of headaches, children of whining, daddies of worrying, and babies of crying.  What a miracle in a cup!

So, with one week of homeschooling under my belt, I'm ready to proclaim to the world how much I LOVE homeschooling.  (This is where all of you seasoned homeschooling mothers will now proceed to laugh at my presupposed declaration).  There's this wonderfully new sense of peace and purpose in our home.  And it's called A SCHEDULE.  Really, schedules are amazing.  And I'm finding all of us are thriving on it.  I'm rather impulsive and unregimented and I certainly don't always follow my schedule to the letter, but I'm learning how to make schedules work for me and my family and not the other way around.  

While I'm teaching my kids, I'm also learning so much about my role in their lives and the all important part I play in revealing the truth of God's Love to them and the trust He has given me to do so.   What an amazing, fulfilling, and important ministry this is-- the ministry of motherhood.  I'm awed by all that it entails.  I'm humbled by the blessing it is.

It's easy to feel overwhelmed by my responsibilities as a mother, and now this new responsibility of teaching my children academically.  For me, it's absolutely necessary to have one ultimate goal.  One supreme focus.  And that is to teach my children to "Love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength." (Mark 12: 30) and to "love their neighbor as themselves." (Mark 12: 31)

Everything else in life is secondary.

why do Christians have trouble?

a storm chasing us across the Nebraska prairie

This picture resembles my life right now.  Not to be dramatic or anything...haha.  But really, I feel like storms have been chasing us for so long.  Just when we think we're finally recovering from the last brutal blast, we're laid low again.  I've never bought into the "prosperity gospel", the Bible (and the life of Jesus himself) clearly contradicts it, but it's been preached and advertised from every corner for so long, it's hard not to fall prey to it's prideful message.  According to this false gospel, if we face hardships of any kind then we are clearly not walking in God's will.  Especially if we face financial hardship.  That is of course a red flag (according to this false gospel) that we are not praying correctly, claiming the blessings, walking in righteousness.  This is not a new teaching.  Even in Jesus' time the poor were despised and looked down upon as if God had cursed them with their poverty.  That must have been why Jesus was so adamant that the "gospel be preached to the poor."  (Luke 4:16-21, Luke 7:22)  Jesus even makes what must have seemed an outrageous statement when he claims that the poor are blessed and the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to them. (Luke 6: 20-21)  So why is it so hard for us to believe we are blessed when we have little?

And then there's that nagging feeling as a Christian that maybe our seas would be smoother and we could avoid trouble and hardship altogether if we were just a "better" Christian.   Sometimes when calamity strikes, it creeps into my heart--this haunting feeling of abandonment by God.  But God isn't the one leaving.  He promised he would never leave us or forsake us.  We are the ones abandoning His Word.  Because His Word clearly tells us that "in this world you will have trouble". (John 16:33)  Be ready for it.  Don't despise it.  Don't let others convince you it's happening because God is punishing you.  Don't let the enemy convince you God has left you.  Only hear the words of Jesus echoing through time and into your soul,  "But take heart!  I have overcome this world."  (John 16:33) 

I remember as a young Christian I found little comfort in this verse.  "Yeah, Jesus, YOU have overcome this world, but what about me?  I still have to live in it."  The beginning of that verse came rushing back to me, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace."  God knew I would say that.  So he gave me a proclaimer.  Thanks, God.  IN Him.  I am hidden IN Christ.   My life is not my own anymore, but His.  And because of that reason, and that reason alone, I have overcome this world.  "For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."  (Colossians 3:3)

So what do I do now?  I let Christ live and love through me, even in the midst of my trials.  I would lie if I said this was easy.  It's not.  I still struggle with thoughts of God's abandonment or that somehow I did something that displeased Him and that is why I suffer.  But God knew I would question, he knew I would need assurance of His love.   And He filled His Word with assurance:

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love?  Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.")  No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ who loved us." (Romans 8: 35-37)

He loves me.  That's all I need to know to see me through.

the accident

We've been enjoying having our daddy home.

God's been teaching us a lot lately and sometimes the lessons aren't very comfortable.

But I'm learning to be teachable.

To be joyful anyways.

No matter what.

To laugh because that's what faith does.

And to cry sometimes because God says that's okay, too.

Sunday night after the youth leadership meeting at our house, Joel left to check on one of the young people and a truck travelling the other direction turned across his lanes.  He was riding his motorcycle and he laid it down right before it hit the truck.  He managed to come out of the accident with only minor road rashes and a neck sprain.

I am praising God for His protection!!  This situation could have been so much worse, but God in His mercy, has spared us.  I know motorcycles are dangerous and I have covered my husband in prayer from the time he purchased it till now.  The real reason behind the purchase was to save money on outrageous gas bills.  But God's bigger than finances and difficulties, than accidents and hardships. 

I'm learning to trust.

I'm learning even amidst the trials to be thankful.  So very, very thankful for every minute God grants us here on this earth to blaze forth His glory.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

P.S.  we're simplifying over here.  needs vs wants and some wants have to go for a time...so I won't have internet service but I hope I can blog intermittently until we get it again.  (I just realized that's what I do already:  blog intermittently!  I do have grand hopes of blogging daily though, it's one of my lifetime goals...haha)

Today is a blessing!

we share germs

The last week without our daddy has not been without it's challenges.  I honestly don't think I would have made it without my beautiful mother.  Thad and Boston have ear infections, Astair has tonsillitis, Legend has a sinus infection, and now I'm feeling the effects of a sore throat, too.

Fun times, fun times.  We're not graceful sick people over here.  

Definitely not.

But our daddy is coming home tonight!  And that makes us downright happy.

The only bleak spot on tomorrow's horizon is that Grandma will be leaving us.  And Grandmas are such wonderful people, they cook and they clean and they play and they sing.  They kiss bobos and buy band aids for little granddaughters that are a bit obsessed with the sticky things. 

They take us to playgrounds, and beaches, McDonald's and Menchies...

They are wholeheartedly loved by all.

Oh how we will miss you, Grandma Dearest!

P.S. to all my friends:  My new app obsession favorite is instagram.  I Love the photo effects!  Do you have instagram?  Let me know so I can follow you!  My username is joyeful :)  I take more pictures than I have time to blog so instagram has become my newest bestest friend.

up up update on the mission in haiti and laying it all down

I just got some updates on Haiti.  Goodness.  I've been on the edge of my seat lately waiting for a word from the team there.  Praying and waiting.  But certainly staying busy :)  Oh and did I tell you my precious mother flew in from Nebraska to help me this week while Joel is over there?  She's my angel, she really is.  Every text I get from Haiti tears at my heart strings.  Oh but it's good reports!  Incredible, really!  But the pictures just tore me up.

Wednesday night I shared in Joel's place at our youth service.  My heart has been so wrapped up in missions and the great commission, and the cause of Christ that we are all called to take up, I couldn't share on anything but that.  I'm broken.  So broken.  I shared this video.  Every time I watch it I weep.  Don't get me wrong--I'm not overly emotional all day, crying into my soup, but God is certainly making me more sensitive to His Heart.  So much so that at times it gets unbearable and I wish I could just close my eyes to it all for a little while...but then that part of me that's really not me anyways (it's Christ), rises up inside me and reminds me that we MUST NOT CLOSE OUR EYES!  Not even for a minute.  Because we are the answer:  Christ in us is the hope of the world!  The Body of Christ--His Church--is  His chosen vessel to proclaim His freedom for the captives, His good news to the poor, His comfort to all who grieve (Isaiah 61)  

I get asked the question all the time, "If God is so good than why doesn't he do something about all the poverty, the aids, the injustice?"  I read a great parody to that question.  God is asking us the same thing, why haven't we done something about it?  Jesus set the standard.  He showed us how to live, modeled it for us even.  He preached the gospel of the kingdom, healed the sick, fed the hungry, brought hope to the downtrodden, and then he died for all of mankind's freedom.  He told us to do the same.  We are to follow in His footsteps.  The same spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in us who have received the life of Jesus!! (Romans 8:11)

I'm moved.  But I want to be more than moved emotionally.  I want to be moved into action, everyday taking up the Cause of Christ.

The Mission Church property in Jeremie, Haiti: Tonight there were 350 people attending the service!!!!  God, you are truly doing something amazing in the hearts of your Haitian children!! Nick posted a video of one of the worship services and it was incredible to watch! (photo source:  Nick P.)

Joel sent me this picture and I could hear the tears behind it.  They visited a hospital and he wanted to hold every sick child there.  I'm just torn up.  Praying that we can build an orphanage soon, very, very soon and praying that God would grant us the privilege to take one of Haiti's orphans into our home.

(photo source:  Caddie C.)  visiting the village

Joel sent me this picture asking me to pray for this man, Denell, to be miraculously healed.  He is a worship leader and he broke his wrist last year and is in a lot of physical pain.  Please pray with me for Denell's healing!!

(photo source: Nick P.)

"Let them give glory to the LORD and proclaim his praise in the islands."  

-Isaiah 42:12

joel leaves for haiti and my heart is already there

Dearest Jesus,

I am in awe of the way you work, the way you choose to use us:  your church, your body here on this earth.   Your heart cares for the orphans, for the poor, for the defenseless.  And you hold out your arms day in and day out pleading with us to share your heart's burdens.  Pleading with us to love as you love, to be compassionate instead of merely concerned.

I love the story of how you brought our church to Haiti.  A painting of Haiti delivered with a prophecy that we would one day have a church there...and it hung for years in our pastor's office.  Almost forgotten.  But not quite.  Dreams, visions, and finally a visit to Haiti confirm your call.  Within months, land in Haiti is purchased, our faith is stretched, and miraculous connections are made.  It's almost as if you are reminding us this is your plan.  Your vision.  Your heart.  Your divine assignment.

Plans are underway to build a church, an orphanage, and a school.  And in the meantime, our Haitian pastors took in our first orphan boy, Kensone.  I can't explain my love for this little boy.  It can only come from your heart, Jesus.  I feel like part of my heart is in Haiti now and always will be.

Joel is leaving tomorrow and taking a team from our church to minister to the people in Jeremie, Haiti.

You know how badly I wanted to go with them, but I know there will be time for that in the years to come as my children grow older.  I can't explain my draw to Haiti but I think you also know I would take my whole family there the minute you asked me to go, no matter when and now matter how long.  Go before this team, Jesus, and prepare the hearts of these people you love so dearly to receive your salvation.  Keep them safe, Lord, and may signs and miracles accompany them.

And break our hearts, Jesus.

Won't you please break our hearts for what breaks yours.

help! i'm buried alive under thousands of photographs!

Oh, but I really hope you had a wonderful Fourth of July.

Mine was.

And I had planned to tell you Monday night.

But then I got sidetracked by the other forty fifty posts I had planned to write

between then and now.

All of them overflowing with photographs I spent hours sorting online, offline, and even between the lines.

And after my eyes went bloodshot for the hundredth time from squinting at little picture grids, I came to the conclusion that I am a very erratic blogger

WHO TAKES ENTIRELY TOO MANY PHOTOS.

There.  I said it.

Is there any cure?

celebrating eight years of riding in cars, trucks, (and motorcycles) with a boy I married

It's been a long road, honey...

but the journey has just begun

we've had our share of ups and downs

twists and turns

But we've held on tight

sat close on the curves

and made a decision

to keep our eyes on the destination

and not the rear view mirror

Eight years ago...

we decided two was better than one

in the service of Jesus

and that makes three

strands not easily broken

and stronger than ever.

Happy Anniversary again, baby!

Life is ALWAYS an adventure with you!

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love you more today than ever.

P.S. Our anniversary was really yesterday and we celebrated the day before that because that's just the way it happens after eight years :)

what I love now and what I'll love then

My Jesus, My Lord,

The things I love the most now 

are things I never appreciated 

quite as much before...

My childhood:

Oh I thought I had it rough

Miles and miles from nowhere

But now I miss the wide open sky

the endless waves of sandy hills

Prairie grass nodding to the wind

That hometown feeling you get

when the girl at the cash register

was your classmate in highschool

and your algebra teacher

is in the checkout line behind you

Everyone is connected somehow

in a small town

Are there things I will love 

more than ever later in life

that I don't appreciate 

near as much now?

I imagine I will long for the days

I barely have time to brush my teeth

because I'm so busy brushing 

everyone else's

Or the time it takes to dress four kids,

wipe four faces, tie eight shoelaces,

and do it all over again in ten minutes

I don't want to begrudge even a moment

you've given me, Lord

Because moments make memories

the most treasured in life

P.S. We said our goodbyes to the ranch this weekend and now we are back home in Louisiana.  We've got a treasure chest full of pictures and memories and memoirs.  Can't wait to share them now that I have the internet...(smile).

at home on the range



Blizzard and Jenny



Lost Creek Cattle barn transported  piece by piece from Fort Niobrara's U.S. Calvary in the 1800's


We arrived.  At three a.m. Sunday morning, past the shadow of the Lost Creek barn, at the end of a ten mile gravel driveway and a 12 hour trip, we finally arrived.  My kids slept fitfully (they woke up screaming every ten minutes) and I was frazzled (still recovering), but we made it.  Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, and Glory to God.

Kids are amazing.  They are like Energizer bunnies that keep going and going and going and going...
And they've loved every minute we've been here at my home ranch.  My brother Jody has two kids close in age to my oldest and we've had so much fun with him and his family and all the family out here.

Swimming in a cattle tank my brother set up for us (that's my brother on the right--he's a purple heart vet):

Sitting bareback on Jenny and feeding the horses treats:

Paddleboating on our pond:

and I could go on and on about all the experiences my kids are soaking up.

We love being home on the range!

p.s.  we are vitually in the middle of nowhere (I think we pulled into a gas station the other night that was called that) and access to the internet is a bit limited, so I apologize if I don't post as frequently

leaving on a jet plane...

I apologize ahead of time if you are going to be on a certain flight to Denver tomorrow....

I will be traveling solo mommy-o with four little ones in tow.  And we are not the quietest family--no, I am sure it will be highly entertaining.  I'll have you know I'm bringing A LOT of snacks to keep their little flappers busy, along with crafts, crayons, books, games, toys, and whatever else I could stuff into an already bulging carry-on and their backpacks.

We're going to visit my family on our ranch in Nebraska.  Three whole weeks in the middle of nowhere!  Now that is the way to vacation!  The kids are so excited, it's all they can talk about.  When I tried to explain to them that daddy wasn't coming right away but he would be there for the last week of our trip, they somehow came to the conclusion that daddy's truck would be pulled by a looooong rope tied to the plane and that's why he would be late.  Mmmmmmhmmmm....sweet imagination.

It's been almost two years since I've been home.  I'm looking forward to this trip.  Last time it took me three whole days in the van with three restless kids...and I swore I'd never do it again.  But this time--oh thank you, Jesus!--we have a direct flight into Denver where my dad will meet us and drive us the six hours to the ranch.  Sigh.  Sigh.  Really deep sighs of relief.

Now all I have to do is keep my kids from driving all the passengers on the plane crazy...

oh pinterest oh pinterest your pins are ever changing

Is anyone else totally addicted to pinterest?

I love all the inspiration!!

It's like all your favorite fashion and design magazines minus the fluff.

Just the good stuff.

For example, I'm planning our summer--

and the way I plan is a little random alright?

Okay, the truth is I'm not much of a planner at all...

But I'm a dreamer!

So....I'm dreaming of what our summer will look like....

First, we'll all sip on strawberry milk for breakfast occasionally on really special days that we'll decide are special just because....

{sharnell dollar designs via my pinterest}

And I will look this fabulous (dreaming here, don't interrupt me now)....

{lookbook.nu via pinterest}

Then we'll head out to the pond with these in tow....

{bedifferentactnormal.com via pinterest}

And of course Astair will be dressed just like this....

{prettylittlethings.typepad.com via pinterest}

But we may all wake up on the wrong side of the bed...

And that's ok, too.

We'll just start all over again tomorrow.

p.s.  are you on pinterest?  let me know!  I want to follow you!

you can follow me here.

we are so weird

But you knew that already, right?

Our Memorial Day consisted of swimming with an alligator, eating dozens of boiled crawfish, lots of fun with family, snacking on luscious desserts, and oh did I mention swimming with an alligator?

Yep.

We're weird.

I know what you're thinking:  cake and an alligator all in one post?  Hey, at least I'm leaving you with a picture of the cake!

p.s.  the alligator my kids named "Jengo" was realeased that same day back into the wild where Joel caught it the night before--with his bare hands.  crazy, crazy man.