And it's a....

It's strange how you just "know" these things.  

Maybe I'm just an old pro by now, by I knew this pregnancy was different and that it had to be a girl.  I saved all of Astair's clothes several years ago because somehow I knew that one day we would have another little girl.

One day is right around the corner.

19 weeks already scratched off the calendar.

I can't wait to hold another precious girl baby in my arms.

And I'm finally starting to feel that second trimester well-being, the strength slowly returning to chase the woozies and the snoozies of early pregnancy.

I'm starting to feel a little bit like myself again.

And it feels good.

God and I had a long talk today and He was gentle as always, even though I was so frustrated with myself and my crazy mood swings and my lack of energy and my massive mommy failings.  I've been sick for a week with an upper respiratory infection that literally had me wiped out and stole my voice for days.  I was miserable.  And even though I was feeding my body tons of vitamin C, eating kiwi fruit by the pound, and forcing water down my throat, I was neglecting to feed my soul.  It's truly amazing how God shows us these things, how gentle the correction is, how life-giving his discipline.  

"For in him we live and move and have our being."  Acts 17:28

I'm not truly living unless I'm living in Him. Drawing my nourishment from His Words, His Spirit.  I need a steady diet of soul food.   This pregnancy has me relying on Jesus in a whole new way.  It's almost like I've reached the edge of what I can do on my own.  I really can't accomplish anything (much less get out of bed in the morning) without Him.  I prayed for strength today, to be the mother and wife and friend and daughter that He wills me to be.  I prayed through the Psalms and I didn't stop praying.  And I felt Him strengthening me.  I felt Jesus renewing me, lifting me, giving me grace.

I can't wait to seek Him again tomorrow.